Today sucked. Big time. At this point I don't remember all the nasty things that went back and forth. I do know he implied two people I love and trust have been feeding him info about me, like I'm some secret super spy or something. Nothing got accomplished. It was never assumed I would get to homeschool her, which pisses me off to no end. He brought up that she needed to come live with him and go to school out there. I finally let loose with all the crap I could; how I saw him smack Quentin across the face, how Kate hates it there, how I know he doesn't supervise them which is why Kate is always getting hurt. He fired right back about how many unexcused absences she had this year (I KNEW I should have taken her to the doctor's everytime she had the stomach bug or a fever, so that one is my own damn fault), how Kate and "other people" tell him I let her stay up all night (WTF? really?). It just progressed downhill so fast. The mediator was excellent at her job, managed to get us on track, hammer out some points neither of us were happy with....and he refused to sign. So now we have to put the issue before the judge. I asked him why he would put the decision in someone else's hands. He wouldn't answer in front of the mediator, but after she left the room, he tried making snarky comments about it. I LOUDLY told him that he was not going to wait until it was just us before saying anything-he could say it in front of her or shut up. And that was that.
I feel like a supreme failure. I feel like no matter what I do, I can never protect her or do what is right for her. I'm always wrong. I know I can't give up, but God I want to. what's the point in trying to raise her? I am not allowed to make any decisions-he always shoots them down just to be a dick. But he does whatever he wants. Cuts her hair when I say no, doesn't consult me before enrolling her in activities. What the heck is the point?
:( I am so upset that trusted loved ones have went back to him and said anything you said to them. :( That is just not okay. They are busy bodies, Jenny, I guess they can't help it. Atleast now you know of two more people you really can't trust with the big stuff. Just steer clear of those people. :(
ReplyDeleteThis issue is something I have long hated and had an issue with. I can't stand when men do not trust the woman they had a child with. How can he not know you love her? How can he not trust and see how things go semester to semester? How can he not get excited and dive into this adventure with the three of you? How can he let these moments pass by?
I truly believe that this is an attack on not only you, but dear Kate. This world is so hard. I don't know what you believe in "religion" wise...but know that I am praying for deliverance of this. It doesn't really have anything to do with homeschooling. It has to do with the fact that he has hatred for you, for your ideas, for your life, for you. This hatred in return doesn't just hurt you, it hurts Kate.
No wonder you feel as if you can't raise her when he can just pitch a major hissy fit and get his way just because. It sucks. It isn't fair. It makes no sense.
Yes, he should be a decision maker...but with you and for you and Kate and NOT against you. That is the problem.
Wendy was telling me just a few weeks ago how much she couldn't stand him and how mean he was to you. I never knew it was so bad. :( I am so sorry. One would think that time could heal it all. Life is so short to waste in arguments.
I say homeschool her the brief time you can before the trial. Enjoy that time. Keep it precious in your heart. Let the court date come and what may be will be. Find her a school you can love if she must go back after that court date and just love and live in your happy home.
You only have to deal with his issues of control over her to control you and hurt you for so long...but try to be okay and happy.
I love you, and my heart aches. You will always be my Jenny.